2 Do | Start with why

De kop van dit artikel ving gisteren mijn aandacht ‘The quarterlife crisis: young, insecure and depressed.’ Vervolgens las ik de eerste twee alinea’s.

Research
New research by British psychologists shows educated twenty and thirty somethings most likely to be hit by pre-midlife blues, One third of all people in their 20s feel depressed, say researchers.

Quarterlife crisis
It is supposed to be the time of opportunity and adventure, before mortgages and marriage have taken their toll. But struggling to cope with anxieties about jobs, unemployment, debt and relationships, many young adults are experiencing a “quarterlife crisis”, according to new research by British psychologists.

Onzekerheid
Quaterlife crisis – this phenomenon – characterised by insecurities, disappointments, loneliness and depression – is hitting twenty- and thirty somethings shortly after they enter the “real world”, with educated professionals most likely to suffer.

Crisis?
Ik loop dit fenomeen in mijn omgeving steeds vaker tegen het lijf. Goed opgeleid, nog zoekende naar een (juiste) baan en twijfels over het aangaan en onderhouden van relaties. Een dergelijke crisis duurt gemiddeld twee jaar. Best lang, right? Het is voornamelijk de constante druk om te presteren, zonder dat je soms weet wat je echt wilt en of je daarbij de juiste keuzes maakt. Ik vind dat je daarom terug moet gaan naar de basis. Mijn quarterlife crisis duurde zo’n drie jaar. Eindelijk ben ik erachter wie ik ben en waarom ik handel zoals ik handel. Op basis daarvan heb ik de afgelopen tijd keuzes kunnen maken die in lijn liggen met hetgeen dat ik wil bereiken. Daar werk ik nu samen met het team van de Busy People en mijn eigen vrienden en familie naartoe. Stay tuned.

Wie ben je?
Je moet eerst zelf weten waar je voor staat en waarom je de dingen doet zoals je ze doet. Vaak ben je je hier niet altijd even goed bewust van. Ik heb daarom met dank aan mijn goede vriend Chung een exercise gevonden die je hierbij een handje opweg helpt. Simon Sinek is de man achter de Start with why theorie. Tevens Fieke’s favoriete spreker/schrijver als het aankomt op het definiëren van je (eigen) business. Ik ga iets heel lulligs doen. Diezelfde man zette vandaag een PDF online, om dus je eigen Why te ontdekken. Die ga ik dus volledig kopiëren met een link naar zijn website natuurlijk en naar zijn boek.

Friends Exercise
A Step Toward Discovering Your Why

Your Why is a statement of who you are. And you are who you are no matter what you do or where you go. Your Why is applicable in every aspect of your life, not just your work. This exercise can help you begin to put words to your Why.

Why are your friends your friends?
Finding your Why can be a challenge. However, your friends can be a great resource in your quest to discover it. All you need to do is talk to them. Not only is this a fun exercise, it will also provide some invaluable insight into some of your closest relationships.

Step 1: Make a list of your three to five closest friends
These are the people you trust and love unconditionally; the people you could call at 3 AM with a dilemma, the people you would travel around the world to help. Even if you don’t talk to them a lot, they are the friends that will always be there for you just as you will always be there for them.

1._____________________________________________
2._____________________________________________
3._____________________________________________
4._____________________________________________
5._____________________________________________

Step 2: Ask those people, “Why are you friends with me?”
At first they may not understand the question. With a very perplexed look on their face, they might say, “What do you mean? We’ve been great friends forever. That’s a strange question.” Next, give them some context. Tell them it’s an exercise that you’re doing to learn more about yourself and it would be very helpful if they could work with you to answer the question.

In person is ideal, but if in the interest of time you need to make a phone call, go for it.

FRIENDS EXCERCISE | www.startwithwhy.com
Again, ask the question, “Why are you my friend?” This time they’ll give you answers like “you’re smart, loyal, kind, funny”. All of those things will be true. Tell them, “Good! You’ve successfully defined the word ‘friend’, but why are you friends with ME.”

This may be a little uncomfortable for both of you because few people really sit down and talk about the deep tenets of their friendship. Remember that your feelings come from the limbic brain, which is not associated with language so it will be difficult for your friends to put their feelings about your deep interpersonal connection into words.

Step 3: Listen
They will keep saying things like, “I don’t know. This is a really hard question.” Just let them keep talking. Keep quiet, keep listening, and most of all, let them keep struggling to find the right words. It may feel that they are going in circles, but just keep LISTENING. Eventually they will make a shift and start talking about themselves.

They will start saying things like

“I feel . . .”?“You make me feel . . .”?“When I’m around you, I feel . . .”

You will likely feel an emotional connection with this person when they describe themselves and the way they FEEL when they are with you. You may find yourself getting goose bumps on your arm or even a tear in your eye. This often happens when you experience something that feels right.

Step 4: Clarify
Since you’ve likely never had this conversation with your friend before, use your curiosity about the things they’ve shared to ask more questions to clarify what they mean. Here’s an example:

FRIEND “I feel good when you’re around. I feel like no matter what I do, you’ll accept me.”

YOU “What do you mean when you say “feel good”?? FRIEND “I don’t know. I guess I feel calm. I feel like no matter how stressed

Silence is key here. ?Try not to interrupt of “fill in the blanks” in?an effort to reduce the awkward feeling of this conversation. Let them sit with the question in silence for as long as they need to.

FRIENDS EXCERCISE | www.startwithwhy.com
I am when I sit down with you, I just feel more relaxed.”

YOU “So no matter how stressed you are, when you and I get together, you forget your worries?”

FRIEND “Not exactly. I feel like my worries aren’t as big a deal as I thought they were when we start talking about them.”

YOU “So I help you put things in perspective.” FRIEND “Exactly! Then I feel much more calm.”

Once you have a clear understanding oikf what your friend means, take good clear notes.

Step 5: Compare
As you compare your notes from the conversations you’ve had with different friends, you’ll start to notice that your friends are saying similar things about you. Take those key words or phrases and list them below.

For example: My best friends say I . . .

1. Put things in perspective? 2. Help make things more clear 3. Help them see the big picture

Once you’ve discovered what you have that your friends don’t get from anyone else, you’re one step closer to articulating your Why and what it is that you naturally do to make your mark in the world.

Key words and phrases my friends use to describe me…
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________

Ik hoop oprecht dat deze opdracht je helpt om te ontdekken wie je bent, waar je voor staat en wat je doel is in het leven. Comments op deze post geven hoeft niet. Ik begrijp namelijk als geen ander hoe lastig het is om jezelf te ontdekken. Dit is enkel een duwtje in de rug. 

?

Francien

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